Fitting in

 It’s been a while! I enjoy writing about my experiences as I go through this journey, but I also prefer writing about things that may resonate or help others going through the same. 

In the past 6 months or so, I’ve noticed Ren wanting to be with friends, to be part of a group and just loving the company of other kids. This was something I hoped for, and at the same time wish I could help to prepare him more for. I’ve noticed a couple of things, mainly that he tries to connect by imitating actions or words of a kid he tries for follow, and asking questions repeatedly that may not make sense in their current context. For example, he is very intrigued about age and tend to ask everyone at home what their age is, and things related to age such as number of vitamin sticks you can take depending on how old you are. So he might ask, what’s your age? Do you eat 1 stick or 2 sticks? At home, we completely understand him, but at school or with friends, they are sometimes baffled at what he means and why he is asking those questions. Understandably, they might look at him confused or with disdain because he would ask it repeatedly, I’ve seems kids tell him to go away, stop following, and also pick on his every flaw because they are just plain irritated with him. 

As his mother, I want to protect him so much. Sometimes I wonder what would protecting him look like and how can I do it in a way that would help him? Should I tell off the kids, or should I tell them to be more patient? Would they understand? It dawned on me that this will continue to be a challenge and I need to teach him how to cope with it. Writing these anecdotal moments helps me to reflect and think about what’s best for these situations. I don’t have the answer right now, and is something I would have to trial and error and to give ourselves clear outcomes we want to achieve. I’m thinking that it might help if I try to get him to appreciate the concept of “context” and how it can help others understand why he is asking those questions. I will update here if it helps and what I did.

Above said, it definitely helps with kids who are willing to help, patient and have an element of empathy. Trust me, many times I want to tell off kids who are mean to him, and I think maybe they just don’t have the exposure to kids with ASD and it’s just about education and understanding. I think the same goes for everyday life, it’s so easy to look at someone and think they are weird, strange, rude, but sometimes there’s more behind what we see and a lack of understanding. To some extent, this experience has made me more sensitive and aware of those around me and when I start to make a judgement about their behaviour, pulling me back to start thinking about why could they possibly be behaving this way. 

Im lucky to have therapists who will brainstorm with me on Ren’s behaviour, and think about strategies we can use to address them or to help him with situations and challenges. Sometimes when I start to doubt myself or feel like I’m not helping him, it’s important to steer away from that mindset and know that the drive to keep pushing and learning and teaching will help Ren and that should be enough motivation to keep on trying. 

Sending love to all parent care givers :) 

Ren’s Virtual Exhibition